I'm lost and stupid without you.
birth control should be required to get into college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
