Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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