I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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