dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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