I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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