I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
