If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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