when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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