Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
