you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
