I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We left the knife in your bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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