he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
