Your face is a jimmy john
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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