I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
