She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
