After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
