3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
