I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
this hospital has no fireball
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
