There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's the barista slut.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
