My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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