I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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