matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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