hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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