i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
