elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
