His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
