You work out of a Hotel?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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