Please, let me fuck your mom
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
