I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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