i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she peed on how many people?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
