I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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