fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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