I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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