So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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