he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
