Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
