Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
