I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
