i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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