I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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