wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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