Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
