Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
