RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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