im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
