shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
