thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
