At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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