everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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