I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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