The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
