dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
