I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
