Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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