if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
