it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
