I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
