Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Terrible idea I love it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
