i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
