I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
