Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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