Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
