I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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