By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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