Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
