And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
