hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
