well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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