Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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